“Larry Crowne” was released to DVD & Blu-ray this week. The film was released theatrically back in July, grossing just shy of $60 million during it’s box office run.
Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts, two of Hollywood’s biggest draws (umm, in 1990?), come together and star in a romantic comedy. Seems like a sure-fire winner, right? Well, that depends on who you ask.
My mother would probably like this film. Unfortunately, my mother does not know how to use a computer, and probably shouldn’t be allowed to operate a motor vehicle. My point is that she’s not someone that can be trusted for their opinion on anything, no less film. No one with a functioning brain will tell you nice things about this shit.
“Larry Crowne” stinks. Most of the time, it’s cringe-inducing bad. It made me feel sad for Tom Hanks, something I haven’t done since he was trapped on that island with a volleyball. Even that fate was better than starring in this dreck.
Larry (Hanks) gets laid off from his mid-level management job in the most ridiculous, preposterous fashion, and for the dumbest reason in history. Since this was just the opening scene, I decided to let the story play out. Had this travesty of cinema happened later on during the film, I might have been forced to shut the fucking thing off.
Mr. Crowne proceeds to go back to school in an effort to learn new skills, and he quickly befriends fellow classmates. This is a commuter school, not unlike the community college I briefly attended. NO ADULT GOES BACK TO COLLEGE AND MAKES FRIENDS. What a fucking insult. Do you really think, even for one second, that the pretty, young Hispanic chick would forge a friendship with the old, awkward guy?! No chance in hell. Even better is that he’s adopted into some strange motor scooter gang. It’s not cute, and it’s not funny. It’s fucking dumb, and borderline enraging.
If that’s not enough to ruffle your feathers, Julia Roberts plays a fucking cunt professor who hates her job and her husband. Her behavior and actions are so over-the-top that I involuntarily groaned every single time she delivered a line.
Julia’s husband likes to look at porn online. Who fucking cares. This is a plot point? Spare me the drama. Oh, and she’s a cheating cunt (in case you were wondering).
I know Tom Hanks is talented. I know Julia Roberts can act (forgetting about “Eat Pray Love” for a moment). So where did this film go wrong? I didn’t figure it out until the closing credits…
Written by: Tom Hanks & Nia Vardalos
NIA VARDALOS?! WHY IS THIS TALENTLESS WHORE STILL IN HOLLYWOOD?! How long can you ride the coattails of your one fluke hit before your career burns out? Well, we are approaching a decade since her “Big Fat” fucking movie, and she’s still getting work. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Didn’t anyone see “I Hate Valentine’s Day”? She should’ve been extradited to Canada after that abortion, not given another hefty payday to write a script. FUCK!
This movie stinks. Hanks and Roberts might try hard, but this is unbelievable, unfunny nonsense. There’s nothing to laugh about, nothing to enjoy, and even less to remember. Watch “Larry Crowne” and lose brain cells. You’ve been warned.